Marriage culture is funny because people swear it’s about love, but so much of it still gets treated like proof that a woman has been properly chosen. The ring, the photos, the caption, the big public display. The social promotion from woman to wife.
I’m not anti-marriage. I’m just suspicious of how often marriage gets treated as the highest form of female achievement. Being chosen is not the flex. Being in a relationship that actually makes your life better is.
For real. When i ran into an old elementary school friend and we were catching up (my late 20s) and they asked about kids/spouse and i said no to all. They had the audacity to ask "what are you doing with your life?" Um graduating college, working full time, breathing. It was wild to be reduced to my marital status and breeding rate.
Aspiring for a life outside of a partner is unimaginable to some people and I feel sorry for them. And the partner is usually Chad - the most boring guy you met on this Earth
loved the article! totally agree (especially as women) cultivating relationships outside of romantic ones, leads to happier and fulfilled life as we have bigger support group, and yet we are constantly told that the romantic relationship is the most important one 😵💫
that’s why so many women are stuck in emotionally and financially abusive relationships that doesn’t benefit them, and they don’t feel like they can get out of it because they have no one else to rely on
me and my friends are often talking and trying not to center romantic relationships in our lives , and i did unfortunately lost a friend over her romantic relationship too , cause she was basically behaving like Carry in SATC ☹️
I think honestly that inspires 90% of what I write is trying to shake the pedestal domesticity and being chosen by a man are put on. It breaks my heart knowing how many dreams or goals go to die the second a girl gets into a relationship
same. on my path to make my profile public aka show my face to further jump off of this pedestal of domesticity and patriarchal bs that i have been running from since i can recall
this is unrelated to the post, but when i read your essays it conjures to my mind the smell of a glossy magazine. it’s like i’m holding one in my hand as i read. love it.
I like marriage in the sense that it says 'I choose you' but I agree with the limits of how it places women culturally. I remember in Chante Joseph's piece someone mentioned that being a girlfriend is seen as lame but a wife is seen like the ultimate achievement, like women's moral value is placed on that partnership which is totally wrong. Also, celebrities have turned Marriage in to a circus by emphasising the weddings, shutting down cities etc. which feels disgenuine
This was a great read! As the wealth gap widens and weddings become increasingly ostentatious it feels like the masses are being psychologically primed by the media to reinforce traditional family structures and to believe as women, this is what we want.
These are the pieces I want to read. Not the "how can I conform and be seen as special" bagging rituals. Thanks for writing and I agree, weddings are lame af - celebration of conformity
Everything you write is always *chef’s kiss*. I’m getting married next year and I cannot tell you what hell it is to be a ‘bride’ on social media lol. Every time I open Instagram it’s like get plastic surgery! Start your diet now! How to be timeless and classy! It is EXHAUSTING. Everything these days feels like it’s to be done for the content and I hate it!
Also when you plan a wedding you truly realise that so many of the traditions we have are deeply patriarchal, and yet somehow it’s seen as deeply controversial if you want to change any of them. I am still excited to marry him but gosh, the expectations are wildddddd X
Oi! To all of this. Linking to all of this, why in gods green fucks does my dentist care if I'm divorced!!?!? My ex-husband has zero regard to my current finances/insurance. But somehow, my marital status is important to my teeth??
Marriage culture is funny because people swear it’s about love, but so much of it still gets treated like proof that a woman has been properly chosen. The ring, the photos, the caption, the big public display. The social promotion from woman to wife.
I’m not anti-marriage. I’m just suspicious of how often marriage gets treated as the highest form of female achievement. Being chosen is not the flex. Being in a relationship that actually makes your life better is.
For real. When i ran into an old elementary school friend and we were catching up (my late 20s) and they asked about kids/spouse and i said no to all. They had the audacity to ask "what are you doing with your life?" Um graduating college, working full time, breathing. It was wild to be reduced to my marital status and breeding rate.
Aspiring for a life outside of a partner is unimaginable to some people and I feel sorry for them. And the partner is usually Chad - the most boring guy you met on this Earth
loved the article! totally agree (especially as women) cultivating relationships outside of romantic ones, leads to happier and fulfilled life as we have bigger support group, and yet we are constantly told that the romantic relationship is the most important one 😵💫
that’s why so many women are stuck in emotionally and financially abusive relationships that doesn’t benefit them, and they don’t feel like they can get out of it because they have no one else to rely on
me and my friends are often talking and trying not to center romantic relationships in our lives , and i did unfortunately lost a friend over her romantic relationship too , cause she was basically behaving like Carry in SATC ☹️
The number of friendships that die at the altar of mediocre boyfriends is truly heartbreaking
literally 😭
the worst thing is that i also understand it’s social conditioning many women can’t overcome, and it makes it even more heartbreaking 💔
I think honestly that inspires 90% of what I write is trying to shake the pedestal domesticity and being chosen by a man are put on. It breaks my heart knowing how many dreams or goals go to die the second a girl gets into a relationship
same. on my path to make my profile public aka show my face to further jump off of this pedestal of domesticity and patriarchal bs that i have been running from since i can recall
down to get this tattooed
this is unrelated to the post, but when i read your essays it conjures to my mind the smell of a glossy magazine. it’s like i’m holding one in my hand as i read. love it.
Angel!!! This is ac one of my dreams I’m ngl, I have a whole name and concept for it already
would love to have one someday
Keep your eyes peeled, bintmag is in the making in the stratosphere somewhere xx
Ohh yes. Exactly this.
I like marriage in the sense that it says 'I choose you' but I agree with the limits of how it places women culturally. I remember in Chante Joseph's piece someone mentioned that being a girlfriend is seen as lame but a wife is seen like the ultimate achievement, like women's moral value is placed on that partnership which is totally wrong. Also, celebrities have turned Marriage in to a circus by emphasising the weddings, shutting down cities etc. which feels disgenuine
This was a great read! As the wealth gap widens and weddings become increasingly ostentatious it feels like the masses are being psychologically primed by the media to reinforce traditional family structures and to believe as women, this is what we want.
These are the pieces I want to read. Not the "how can I conform and be seen as special" bagging rituals. Thanks for writing and I agree, weddings are lame af - celebration of conformity
Et le rendre drôle https://lucialagarrigueaumonier.substack.com/p/fiction-le-grand-mariage-episode?r=7v69pt&utm_medium=ios
This is so well-written. You have put into words everything that I have been feeling lately. Just perfect!!
Everything you write is always *chef’s kiss*. I’m getting married next year and I cannot tell you what hell it is to be a ‘bride’ on social media lol. Every time I open Instagram it’s like get plastic surgery! Start your diet now! How to be timeless and classy! It is EXHAUSTING. Everything these days feels like it’s to be done for the content and I hate it!
Also when you plan a wedding you truly realise that so many of the traditions we have are deeply patriarchal, and yet somehow it’s seen as deeply controversial if you want to change any of them. I am still excited to marry him but gosh, the expectations are wildddddd X
Oi! To all of this. Linking to all of this, why in gods green fucks does my dentist care if I'm divorced!!?!? My ex-husband has zero regard to my current finances/insurance. But somehow, my marital status is important to my teeth??